Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Pappa chapter 3

So he had been smiling again.... even it’s not often and he does not speak it is good for mamma and Sofie to see and it’s good for me to know. My biggest wish secretly is to be able to talk with him again like before, have a conversation and ask him all the questions I was too young to ask before he started to forget and change. I’m starting to become more like him on the spiritual level and would like to hear more about all his theories and thoughts about everything. I am so ready now to listen and understand all the things I didnt understand and was not ready to understand some years back.... I am sure some place down there inside of him he has the same spirit, which is not beeing eaten by any sickness. The problem is the tools the body gives us to express ourselfs are beeing eaten by the sickness. Eventhough he knows and understands things inside himself, it will not come out anymore... I have been sure all the way to see it in his eyes...’the eyes are the mirror to the soul...’ The nice thing is that I recognice the glimps between us that well that I know that at one moment there was understandig and recognition between us, the next thing is everytime that I lose him the next moment and I am left just wanting to bring him back.....

I wish he could talk to me!

When I was 14 we went to Mosjoen together just the 2 of us, he liked to come back there to visit friends and see the city were he had done a lot of important things saving the old part of the city, like my dear house where we lived before. I loved (and still love) to come back there and see my dear childhood surroundings. Somehow it has always stayd a place I feel comfertable and like home, eventhough I was 6 when we moved. We slept in the house of friends which is the neighbor of our old house. So our view and surroundings were almost the same as back then, on pillars in the fjord, looking out over the fjord and to the Oyfjellet. I remember us siting at the window one night until the morning hours, just talking and philosophizing about all things in life. I cannot remember all the details from the conversation, but I can remember the good feeling I had and the impression it made on me to be sitting up a whole night talking. I was at an age where I was unhappy with myself as a typical young teenager, I was arguing a lot and I wanted to save the world, like a typical idealistic young teenager ;-) I guess again pappa managed to meet me at the emotional and intelectual level I was in that periode... I guess he was the only one then who could....

I wish he could talk to me!



  1. happy birthday for pappa from me too! <3

    Really nice chapter ziz!! <3

  2. mooi geschreven Iris !! tante Edith en ik lezen dit nu en we zijn allebei onder de indruk ervan !
    ja, gefeliciteerd met Paul, je papa !
    Ik had even op KLUK willen zijn nu, maar ik denk aan hem en zal even bellen vanavond. Veel liefs van mij

  3. Lieve Iris,

    Ik heb je stukjes gelezen. Wat heb jij mooie herinneringen aan je vader en je jeugd! En je bent je zo goed bewust van dat wat je ook jouw kinderen wilt meegeven. Heel mooi om te lezen. Je koestert je herinneringen en dat is goed. En zo ben je ook dicht bij je vader, mooi.

    Lieve groet en knuffel, Els